The Back-up Plan

Rating: ½☆☆☆☆

The Back-Up Plan” is like the fat, ugly, and ultimately the less loved twin sister of “Knocked Up.” One sparkles in beauty and poise while the other drools in its shame. Cast and crew who took this film seriously might never be taken seriously ever again. Willful acting is what most people would identify here, but that would be a mistake. Self-embarrasment is the more appropriate term.

Zoe (played by Jennifer Lopez, star of “Gigli”) has given up her hope for the perfect guy that would result in the perfect family. Artificial insemination might not sound like the immediate solution for her problem, but no worries. Right now, the only thing Zoe wants is a baby, so she purchases frozen semen and joyfully gets those baby-makers stuffed into her innards. It may not seem right to us at first, but Zoe is accomplishing her new goal in life. We should feel happy for her, but happiness is almost impossible while watching this movie.

Five minutes after them frozen treats reach their destination, Zoe bumps into a guy. Very quickly, they fall in love through pissing each other off, which is so effective that it affects the audience. In the movie, their acts of irritation produce love from the opposite, but not so much from the audience, which generates actual irritation. So much for Zoe’s new goal in life, because the rest of the movie is devoted to the two breaking up and getting back together and breaking up and getting back together again and again, and again.

After a fight is fought or a love rekindled, there are songs played in the background as the hero or heroine walks to random places. The song is to convey exactly what the character is feeling. This technique is usually for your 3-minute music videos, but the makers of this movie are so lazy that characterization is maximized through a song not even written for the movie. And to make things worse, the characters are unbelievably stupid. Reasons for their conflict are for the mentally challenged in a way that a simple error in word construction or a misinterpretation of a single phrase results in long, angry, and terribly boring arguments.

“The Break-Up Plan” is supposed to be a comedy, and the movie had nine months worth of Zoe’s symptoms, side effects, physical and hormonal changes to make jokes of, yet not a single one of them is funny. The Back-Up Plan is pregnant with mediocrity, disgust, and garbage. It should have been aborted in pre-production.

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The Back-up Plan