Drive Angry

Drive Angry PosterRating: ★☆☆☆☆

Drive Angry” is a grindhouse movie about fast cars, killer coins, mutilated bodies, bullet holes, bad accents, human sacrifices, Satan, Satan’s worshippers, Satan’s Accountant, and a few conversations about slitting the throat of an infant so Hell could move up to Earth and party. Find anything that could offend you?

The star is Nicolas Cage. His choice of movies in recent years has been, questionable. Either he’s been testing the range of his acting skills, or he’s only been agreeing to do certain movies that require him to have a weird haircut. That man’s hair has had more alterations than a teenager. After “Season of the Witch” and “Drive Angry”, it’s now safe to say that Mr. Cage needs to hire a new stylist as much as he needs to hire a new agent. Anyway.

Cage plays a dead, angry, blonde man named John Milton. Don’t ask. His daughter has been brutally murdered by a satanic cult, and plans to execute her baby while they drink beer. Milton, who is in Hell, is not happy. (And that’s not just because he’s in Hell.) Pissed off and ready to kick some living ass, he steals Satan’s special gun and makes his way back to earth in a car. (It’s probably Satan’s, too.) His actions are constantly monitored by the Accountant, who is the film’s most interesting aspect. Abstrusely played by William Fichtner, the Accountant, fresh from the Underworld, is a silent, well-dressed assassin with physical abilities beyond human. So, in short, he is The Terminator from Hell.

John Milton

Conscious of its absurdity and proud of its vulgarity, the audience of “Drive Angry” will not extend very far. People who receive crass madness as entertainment will be the majority of its fans. I can’t say I liked the movie, though I also can’t say that I don’t like grindhouse movies in general. I kinda enjoyed “Machete”. There was a funny irony in the roles of Steven Seagal and Lindsay Lohan. And it was… engaging, if that’s the word, to see Danny Trejo play a character that feels destined for him.

I don’t see any irony and satisfaction in Nicolas Cage’s streak of bad movies. The man has proved to us that he can act in 2009’s “The Bad Lieutenant”, which was a great movie. Why participate in a movie called “Drive Angry” when you can know you’re good enough to be in a Werner Herzog film?

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