The Hills Have Eyes II (2007)

The Hills Have Eyes 2 Poster Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

In the opening subtitles, the audience is reminded of the bloody carnage that concluded the remake of the first “The Hills Have Eyes”. It is safe to assume that any evidence regarding the mutant slaughtering that was bestowed upon that poor family was dissolved by the heat of the sun. This is so because, in this sequel, a military group has decided to base somewhere near the same place without much precaution. The subtitles claim that they are “monitoring for undisclosed reasons.”

I wander as to what the hell they were monitoring in an abandoned desert; the words “undisclosed reasons” are not reassuring enough, especially in a horror movie, but let’s move on. To no surprise, these people end up disfigured and discombobulated, while one ends up deep in the toilet with a few cuts so he can die of mass infection. Oh no, these mutants, they have developed their own sense of humor.

Because the movie is just ten minutes in, we have a group of trainees and their sergeant to save the day. These trainees, they are very idiotic; so idiotic that one would wonder how they made it that far into the program. And so they march on, with loaded rifles that run empty when they need them the most, they march. One by one, they die in brutality, but none of them inspires an ounce of sympathy.

The characters talk and act like they’re in a video game. The setting and the villains function like one, too. The trainees encounter road blocks wherein they are forced to enter the cave in which the mutants dwell in. And in every other room, there is a mutant that they must kill in order to enter the next area that will bring them closer to salvation. At the end, when the sunlight is visible again, there is even a, uhm, Boss Mutant, that is stronger and tougher than the rest, and they must all work together to kill him.

Boss Mutant

In complete boredom, I decided to observe the cave of the mutants, and was pretty astonished as to what I have found. It is my pleasure to announce that the hills doesn’t just have eyes; they also have a refrigerator and a small kitchen. If the characters explored the cave even more, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were able to bump into one of those 3-D TV sets.

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The Hills Have Eyes II (2007)