Predators

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

You know you’re about to have a bad day when you wake up and discover yourself falling several hundred miles an hour straight to the jungle ground. This is exactly what eight people experience in the opening scene of “Predators”.

Unknown to one another, they gather into one unit and try to figure out what the hell is going on, which is about all they do for the film’s first half. Fast forward a lot of walking and the group are sad to discover that they are no longer on Earth, and are now the chosen prey of the Predators.

Now why where they chosen, I wonder. Let’s take a closer look. First to land is The American, who is quickly followed by The Mexican. A few thugs later, and we are introduced to The Russian, The Black Guy, The Asian, The Asshole, The Wimp, and The Girl. I wonder, why would the Predators choose these people for their hunting game? Oh, I have an idea; it is because they are Stereotypes, and are so damn predictable.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy dumb fun. “Predators” is indeed dumb, but doesn’t know how to dish out some bloody entertainment. The eerie atmosphere in the original “Predator” was absent here, and there was not enough wit and motivation from the characters to make this movie feel like more of a battle than an extermination. These characters ask the most obvious questions and make the most obvious statements that I began to speculate that most of the dialogue is for the audience to better understand the plot.

For example, when The Asian spoke English for the first time, The Wimp provides us with a much insightful dialogue by saying, “You speak English.” How helpful. And in an earlier scene, The American warns everyone with a mighty voice, “We run, we die.” He seems to really know what he’s doing. Ten minutes later, he screams with an even mightier voice, “Ruuuuun!” You know what’s gonna happen next.

And oh, there’s a ninth Stereotype. It’s The Stranger, played by Lawrence Fishburne. You know, the guy you thought you could trust until he tries to kill all of you. The Stranger takes our heroes to his hideout, and was so very kind by letting the troop rest in his room. I noticed that the room was full of guns and explosives, but when the betrayal finally came, his method of murder is… smoke. I know, it’s dumb, but at least we didn’t get any dialogue that goes something like this, “Oh no, smoke. If we inhale, it will travel to our lungs and we might suffocate, or worse: Lung Cancer.”

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Predators