Resident Evil: Afterlife

Rating: ½☆☆☆☆

“Resident Evil” is, so far, a 4-part movie franchise that’s four movies too many… so far. I hate this movie, and those who loved this will probably hate me for hating this. It’s complicated. So before I continue, let me get something out of the way. Those who enjoy big-budgeted, mindless, extremely mindless zombie movies will enjoy “Resident Evil: Afterlife.” And if you’re one of those people, I advise for you to stop reading this review by the end of this paragraph. End paragraph.

Here we go. Early narration tells us that the T-Virus has spread on a worldwide scale. Almost everyone’s a zombie. We also learn that the bastards responsible for making the T-Virus are still experimenting with it underground. We’re at the fourth installment, and I think it is time to revisit an observation made by Roger Ebert that questions the existence of the T-Virus, and this damn franchise. He ponders, “We never understand how Umbrella hopes to make money with a virus that kills everyone.”

Because this is Part 4, the world is even worse than before, making Mr. Ebert’s observation more valuable. So there. Why do these people keep experimenting on the T-Virus? How will they benefit from it? Do they plan to get rich? But almost everyone’s a zombie. Do they plan to conquer the world with it? What’s to conquer? Almost everyone’s a freaking zombie.

Anyway, Alice is in Alaska, looking for people who will not try to eat her. She only finds Claire, and together they fly to Los Angeles for reasons that the movie never bothered to explain, but no worries. They spot a few survivors trapped inside a building surrounded by zombies. Alice and Claire join them, and now they are also trapped, but no worries, because this predicament will inspire shoot outs.

Paul W. S. Anderson wrote and directed this, which is a statement of exaggeration since barely anything here was written and directed. The style of dialogue resembles that of the first “Resident Evil”, which he also wrote and directed. Roger Ebert described the dialogue perfectly in his review of the first installment when he said that, “Their dialogue consists of commands, explanations, exclamations and ejaculations.”

Now the action scenes; all of them are literally in slow motion. Without any regard to the plot and characters, they are enjoyable when they are slow enough to be comprehensible but not slower than our ability to process our perception. Action scenes in “Afterlife” are slowed down and screwed up to the point of madness. Or Michael Bay.

In the midst of this horrid trash, I shall remember one scene in “Resident Evil: Afterlife.” One shootout involves two Alice clones fighting off enemies equipped with guns and bad aim. They throw grenades at the bastards, and to escape the explosion, the two of them jump down an elevator shaft. Remember: slow motion. The camera follows them all throughout, and they shoot their handguns as they fall. I’m assuming Paul W. S. Anderson was behind that camera, because I can’t seem to figure out what those damn clones were shooting at.

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Resident Evil: Afterlife