Wrath of the Titans

 Rating:

You don’t have to observe real hard to notice that there’s actually just one titan in “Wrath of the Titans”. That would be the fearsome Kronos, a monstrous being who can be best summarized as a walking volcano with arms, legs, and a face. In the film’s latest moments, smoke, ash and lava violently erupt from his crevices, which is exactly the sight you’d expect from someone who had just risen out from the hellish underworld.

Before we get into anything else, let’s do a quick background check. Kronos is the father of Zeus, Hades and Poseidon. Zeus (Liam Neeson) has a son named Ares, who like his father is also a god. Everything seems rather normal until Zeus decides to get in bed with a human. The woman then gives birth to Perseus, a half-god half-human fisherman. So this would make Kronos the grandfather of Perseus? But what about Helius, the son of Perseus? Can he be considered as one-forth god? You know what would have been a lot more interesting than this movie? A documentary about these characters having a family reunion.

Anyway, the underworld prison of Tartacus can no longer contain its captives. Zeus calls for a meeting with his brothers to address this issue. Where do they agree to hold their meeting? The Underworld, the home of Hades (Ralph Fiennes). So Poseidon gets killed and Zeus becomes a prisoner of Hades. Unfortunate, but things like that tend to happen when you decide to hold your meeting in the Underworld. Perseus goes on a mission to rescue his father. He must be quick though, because Hades plans to drain the power of Zeus to awaken Kronos.

And that’s the last plot point you will read from this review. To further discuss the plot would be pointless. The movie, even within the context of fantasy, features ludicrous situations of zero substance. And because the film’s director is the clueless Jonathan Liebesman (Battle: Los Angeles), even the action sequences offer no consolation. Somewhere inside an elaborate labyrinth, Perseus battles a Minotaur, or something like that. I’m not sure. We never get a clear shot of the darn beast. It’s just brief shots of a huge, ugly head covered with a lot of froth and… and rage. Perseus uses his right fist, followed by his left one, and the next thing we know, the monster is dead on the ground. I have seen fights at The Jerry Springer Show that have more cohesion and impact.

What else can I recall? Remember Ares, the other son of Zeus? He gets into a brawl with Perseus. Ares, who is a god, is winning the battle against the lesser strength of Perseus. Ares is about to attain victory until… until Perseus is able to put the Sleeper Hold on him. You know, like in wrestling. Ares passes out. Perseus kills him. But wait. How effective can the Sleeper Hold be? Did the screenwriter forget that Ares is a god?

Now back to where we started. Awakened Kronos has escaped Tartacus. Not only is he sweating lava all over place, but he’s also punching the ground to create mini-earthquakes. According to one of the characters, Kronos intends to destroy the world. My dilemma with giant villains is there lack of efficiency. They all look so slow and sluggish and easy to hit. If Kronos had no one to stop him, it would take him around 8-10 years to fully destroy the world. Approximately.